And I, Sauce, am infuriated.
As I have said, this blog is about Idiots, particularly those online. It will be updated hopefully once a week, and include an extensive article about stupid people who just really piss Sauce off.
This particular article is about a sadly common species of Idiot known as the Musically-Vacuous Preteen Who Claims To Be Of Mature Age.
We all know the Musically-Oblivious 8th Grader meme, right? Well that's what I'm talking about. But not just a stupid person who has no idea who Areosmith is. No, much worse: The MVPWCTBOMA is a much more common, far more loathsome breed who attempts to *gasp* argue their opinion on music!
Allow me to give an example:
There is a Facebook page I am a fan of. This said page is known as "Blood On The Dance Floor: The Worst Thing To Ever Happen To Humanity."
(Note: not trying to slam on gays here, I am ok with any sexuality, but not when it is revealed in such a revolting extreme as this)
The title is almost disturbingly accurate, for most likes given to said page are from ridiculous fanboys/fangirls who are the equivalent of Beliebers who like a "Justin Bieber Is Gaaaay" page with the sole intent of bombing it with "HES NOT GAY HES JUST TRYING TO MAKE A LIVING FOR HIS POOR FAMILY STOP BASHING HIM AND BEING MEAN HE GETS MORE GIRLS THAN YOU!!!111!!1"
But these are much worse. Most of these silly, misguided children are "scene": a mixture of a comically absurd fashion sense and an even more comical personality which cannot be taken seriously. They refuse to see the own shortcomings of their favorite bands and insist that it is good music simply for the following reasons:
1) The [lead vocalist, etc] is a cool guy, attractive
2) They have a ton of fans, so they must be good
3) The [lead vocalist, etc] gets way more girls/guys than you do
4) They have a record deal and you're never gonna get one so stffuuuu
Allow me to supply my own opinion of "good music," in a similar list with four reasons:
1) Must involve a significant songwriting/musical talent by all the members
2) Must use real, live instruments/be performed live
3) Must attempt to create a distinct style
4) Must be in-tune and on-key and in good time
BOTDF violates rule #1
Canny, pop tunes set to a synthesizer reminiscent of 70's disco mixed with modern techno requires no talent, especially if it is put together on a computer. Auto-tuned vocals require no talent either... I have never heard of Dahvie Vanity making an acoustic cover.
#2
Singing along to a track does not count as performing the instrument itself.
and #3
BOTDF sounds exactly the same as all the mortifyingly bad pop bands that make a wreck of the modern music industry.
though I must say because of the heavy synthesizers and autotune at use by the vocalists, #4 is no problem for them *golf clap*
So these MVPWCTBOMAs already have virtually nothing to argue in their favor. But do they still argue? YES! Of course! They MUST attempt to purge all who fail to conform to their perfect reality!
How do they do this? Allow me to supply some random quotes, pulled right from the interwebs:
Justin Bieber's music video for "baby"
Which brings up another argument, by the way: "Why are you watching the video if you don't like him?!?!?!"
Answer: We are watching the video because we enjoy laughing in the face of those who make it to the top not by musical talent or ingenuity, but by the ability to manipulate a market designed to ensnare snobby, insignificant teenage females like yourself.
... I can't agree that it is "quality entertainment." But I can agree that you have no musical education. I'm pretty sure it is far more difficult to write a song for an entire orchestra (in the case of the classical music genre) or compose a shredding technical death metal riff syncopated to a near-impossible blast beat (metal genre) than it is to play around with a dubstep machine for a couple hours (dubstep genre).
Idiots like this "Aj" child... I don't even...
I would find a last example, but such posts are so infuriating to me that I refuse to copy them onto my desktop and upload them to this blog page. Besides, there's plenty of MVPWCTBOMAs to go around. Go find some, there's one on almost every music-related forum, blog, video, or fan page out there :P
A Complete and Glorious Recap of What Makes Them Idiots:
-Ridiculous remarks such as "haters like you make them famous!" NO THEY DON'T, THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE.
-Obsessing over the artists they like just because of how attractive they are. (Logic being that attractive people must be talented as well).
-Claiming they are older than they actually are, in an attempt to make the person they are arguing against feel like an equal or even inferior.
-Refusing to admit that their genre and bands they enjoy are flawed even to a minor extent.
-Their whiny attitude and grammatically-incorrect abuse of language and street slang in their arguments in an attempt to sound more "grown-up."
-"Why are you watching the video if you don't like it?" -Ironic, as most of these Idiots would gladly do the same to a video of a genre they less prefer. This is a lazy excuse for a logical argument.
Sorry if I bashed any bands you enjoy.
Feel free to spread your little butthurt complaints, they give me a near-erotic pleasure.
Sincerely,
Sauce
