This Idiot, I like to call, the Emotional Newteen Who Pretends To Be Depressed In Order To Obtain Mediocre Female/male Attention.
In other words, the Emo Kid.
Don't get me wrong, I'm cool with the Emo look. If guyliner and a ridiculous amount of hairspray is what you think is cool, then I'm cool with it. That's your style, your look. No problem here.
However, when you fly your little Emo flag around and post stuff like:
Who was the fappin' idiot who decided this was "cool" or "cute?"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XdofmoYcJNE
Ok, seriously? You're in high school, maybe in middle school. You have NO idea what "true love" is. You don't "love" this person. It's a brief emotional infatuation. Nobody is "breaking your heart."
In other words, get the hell over it.
Studies show that only around 1%-2% of high school relationships end in marriage (I forget where I read that, but it still sounds too high of a marriage rate to me). So guess what, ENWPTBDIOTOMFAs? You know what that translates to?
There is no hope.
NO HOPE.
Moving on...
The Emo, while not noticing it him/herself, is going through a strange stage in which he/she thinks that he/she will be more "experienced" or more "adult" if he/she shows individuality or demonstrates their perverted view of adult life in pictures such as those above ^ ^, then he/she will be widely considered to be more "mature."
But there is one flaw: in doing so, they just show how pathetic and emotionally-immature they are. The ENWPTBDIOTOMFAs are a burden to society. A burden!
I feel going extreme here. Extreme. So let us briefly imagine a horrific alter-reality in which EVERYONE is an ENWPTBDIOTOMFA:
1) Work would never get done. Many E.s do not even exercise. They just sit around on Facebook and complain emotionally about their 3rd relationship this week, while simultaneously "site-modeling" because they are so insecure that they can't express themselves enough without a name like "Ricky Rainbow" or "Cindy Cyanide."
2) Long-lasting relationships and friendships would not exist. For example, the typical E. relationship lasts from anywhere between a few months or a couple days. No matter the time duration, the other is referred to as "lover," "love of my life," or "married" via Facebook. Ironically, this does not last, as both individuals in the relationship are so over-dramatic and emotionally immature that they end up taking the relationship too seriously and getting very involved and clingy.
3) We would all have psychic powers. I am 100% certain that if everyone was an ENWPTBDIOTOMFA, all that immaturity and pathetic whining would bundle up into an explosive mass of energy which we would soon learn how to control. And everyone would be a Telekinetic Emo.
The future!
Now for the touchy part.
As many people know, there is a thing called "cutting," which emotionally-disturbed individuals use to relieve themselves of their emotional pain. This is NOT a laughing matter, it is a very serious problem in the teenage population.
However, the ENWPTBDIOTOMFA cuts his/her wrist for the sole purpose of attention and sympathy, or even for male and female attention. It has gotten to the point where cutting is looked at as "cute" (I once again direct myself back to the images above).
Not only do they perform this ghastly action, they also insist on how miserable and depressing their posh, suburban lives are. Their parents lavish them with gifts, and yet they claim to be in the depths of despair because their boyfriends don't stop "hurting their feelings" and "breaking their hearts," which is totally something for someone to cut themselves over -_-
I laugh at this, but from sheer disbelief and scorn. Self-mutilation for the sake of attention is one word:
Disgusting.
Another disgusting, and still touchy, aspect of the ENWPTBDIOTOMFA is his/her strange allure to bisexuality. While Sauce is Ok with bisexuals, he frowns upon fake bisexuals, and this is what the majority of the E. population is; fake and [not] gay. For some strange reason, bisexuality is looked at as an exploration of other feelings, so one can fully experience all there is to experience in sex. This creates an idea that [fake] bisexuality is cool and mature, which it is not.
Touchy shit over with, we now move on to,
A Complete and Glorious Recap of What Makes Them Idiots:
-Takes relationships too seriously, almost to the point of an unhealthy obsession
-Sorry level of emotional security/maturity
-Site-modeling. Nuff said
-Fake cutting
-Fake bisexuality
This Idiot makes Sauce just want to cut his wrists and die in a deep dark hole because that blackness is what he feels in his heart forever. I'm sorry, I'm an ENWPTBDIOTOMFA, and I cannot comprehend satire.
Sincerely,
Sauce
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