Why One Direction Sucks

Fuck One Direction.

Yes, fuck them. They should stop making music.

But no, wait, that's mean.

I'll be honest, the members seem like they're total bros. Probably a really chill bunch of guys, and they're doing what they love to do, which is great! Fuckin' go for it!

They can sing, I think a couple can play instruments. Bottom line: they have talent.

But I have a problem with One Direction. This problem... is the fan base. And also the public image of this band.

See, One Direction is marketed for their image, nothing else. Most of their music simply... isn't good! It's all the same: irritating, high-pitched synthesizers mixed with shabby acoustic guitar and a pop beat. Like every other pop band out there, they fail to possess even an ounce of originality.

Thus, when music isn't good, what must the music industry go to in order to make money?
They must get fans to absolutely WORSHIP the people making the music!

So they develop a sort of "personality" for each of the members. For example, Zayn is supposed to be quiet and mysterious, and Niall is supposed to be the downtrodden youngster.

This, in my book, is utter blasphemy to music. It's, quite literally, a brainwashing of today's teenagers.
Music has a defining role in culture, and these days it's bigger than it has ever been. So when you get people (especially girls) to believe that the "perfect guy" exists only in a band such as One Direction, then you are harboring a generation that thrives on ridiculous fantasies mixed with a shitty taste in music.

We must conserve the GOOD artists out there. Zeppelin. Aerosmith. Deep fuckin' Purple hell yes. But every day, those fantastic musical groups are being forgotten, and what is put in their place?

What is put in their place, you ask?!

THIS:

OMFG SO HAWT <3333

Who gives a flying fuck about if an artist has abs or not?
And by the way, none of them have abs!

They don't have fucking abs! I'm more muscular, attractive, talented, and sexually appealing than Harry Styles, and I'm a fucking toothpick who only works out once a week if I can fit it into my schedule.

And yet, I have never been in a relationship, nor do I have millions of girls fawning over me whenever I park my ass in front of a paparazzi.

/foreveralonebitch

DO YOU SEE A PROBLEM HERE?

...No?

Then you're obviously an Idiot.

A HUGE FUCKING WALL ABOUT HOW SCREWED OUR ALREADY SHIT-SWALLOWING GENERATION HAS BECOME, AND HOW THE WORLD WILL END BECAUSE OF IT

This is gonna be one hell of an angry post.

A huge fucking wall about how screwed our already shit-swallowing generation has become, and how the world will end because of it.

I'm a fucking teenager, and I already see no hope for the future.

Of course, this is a mindset present with a lot of my other colleagues, and is often dismissed as simple teen angst or depression, or whatever the fuck of an excuse one seeks to create.

But it goes deeper than that. See, I was raised in the 90s. Yes, that gives me little life experience to tell about, but I see a difference of how I was raised than how my generation is raised. I was raised to APPRECIATE.

Boom fucking boom. There's the difference. Appreciation for how goddamn lucky of a little shit I am to have a fucking roof over my head every day and to have the opportunity to shove my loathsome little face with potato chips and Mountain Dew whenever I damn well please. I was raised to appreciate! I was raised to WORK. These are the founding principles that our world has been based on SINCE THE FUCKING BEGINNING OF CIVILIZATION.

Men and women both were WORKERS. That's what we do! That's how we survive! We experiment, we innovate, we discover, we create, we reproduce, and life continues!

And what a glorious existence it has been!

Let us all take a moment to look back at how far we have come. In a mere few thousand years, the human race has come from banging food with rocks to flying fucking spaceships and creating a worldwide database accessible by everyone privileged enough to use it!

How fucking amazing is that?! Everyone born before the year 2000, please give yourself a round of applause. You're amazing.

And everyone born afterward, you're fucked.

I have observed the human race for my whole existence, and I have found that there are two kinds of people. There are those raised well, and there are those raised poorly. I have learned that PARENTING is the foundation of our society. Once again, PARENTING enables kids to work, and work enables people to LIVE.

But here I am, sitting in the 2000s, wondering where the fuck did it all go?

Work doesn't matter anymore. Some talentless fuckass can sing profane gansta rap into a microphone and get his ass lined with dough, while those who spend thousands of hours gaining experience in a subject struggle to find a simple fucking job.

It's both the fault of the young and the old. It is the fault of the young for being stupid and hormonal enough to follow a crowd, and it's the fault of the old for not telling them that they can WORK TO MAKE SET AN EXAMPLE AND NOT JUST BE A FUCKING STATISTIC.

I probably sound like a goatfuckingfucking motivational twat right now, but that's the truth: hard work pays off!

But hey, I'm one to talk. I'm sitting here with my thumbs shoved up my ass typing some stupid fucking blog post that nobody will read. I don't matter. At the end of my meaningful, pitiful existence I will be almost instantly forgotten. Nobody will fucking care what I write. However, that is not the point.

The point is that all I see in my generation is downfall. Sure, there's the good kids: the ones who do well in school and get involved, the ones who's parents are oh-so-proud of their pretty little daughter who makes a solid 4.0.

But then there's the problem: most of the generation ISN'T LIKE THAT.

NOT EVEN FUCKING CLOSE!

Ha, I'm the same way! I make a 3.7 if I'm damn lucky. Most kids I know make about a 3.0 or lower. And it's the ones making the good grades who are going to have to pay for that.

There's no point in having a "higher class" of hard-working individuals who earned their way to the top if there's a bunch of fucking drop-outs bitching about their suck-ass emo lives and asking for a fucking cash handout.

I see a future that is dismal, I see a future that is immature. I see a future that is hopeless. I see a future that will end soon if somebody--

--nay, if EVERYBODY--

stepped the fuck up at the same damn time and fucking did something about it!

The only hope our next generation has of survival is to raise kids RIGHT. Raise them to WORK. Raise them to not expect something to be given to them but rather to EARN it themselves! When a parent buys their kid an iPhone at 11 years old, that kid isn't going to be appreciative of that iPhone. That kid is going to expect iPhones to be given to them their whole fucking lives. That kids gets a false sense of entitlement, and it sticks with him and it gets him NOWHERE.

Nowhere is where our generation is going. All we have claim to is a bunch of stuck-up, spoiled brats who are going to be sitting around in their basements all day whilst attempting to make their mediocre state-college careers as dramatic as the Jersey Shore.

Because that's all that matters in life anymore. People act like they're experienced; BULL-FUCKING SHIT. Nobody in my generation has enough life experience to make judgements by because their whole life they have just been getting handouts!

So they try to CREATE experiences! Many of you have seen it for yourselves. They post bullshit love stories on social networking sites, because they obviously have experienced "true love". They claim their daddy hit them and cut all up and down their arms to prove it, when in fact that NEVER HAPPENED and they're just trying to get ATTENTION.

I see a destructive generation in our midst. They destroy themselves for attention. They THRIVE on it. It seems to be near-erotic for them.

I use the word: disgusting!

They feel ENTITLED because they are experienced, when in fact they deserve NOTHING. They don't deserve shit! I daresay, some of them don't even deserve to live.

All kids can do is fuck each other, kill their kids, and do drugs until they OD. That's our future.

If anybody disagrees, they're clinging to a false hope.

It is my personal theory that, unless some amazing miracle happens, we are all fucked and the world will come to a climax in the next 50 years, upon which I will don a skull mask, a stylish black leather jacket, parachute pants, and a war-painted AK-74, proclaiming myself BADASS MOTHERFUCKING SAUCE, KING OF THE AMERICAN WASTELAND, THE IATOLA OF ROCK N' ROOWWLLA.

And I will live the rest of my life knowing that I was right about everything, and shove my middle finger at the past and look towards the brief future the human race has left.

...

.....

..........

Or maybe this IS just angst. I'm just a little rebellious teen with some silly ideas. I'm a fucking doomsday preacher just looking for attention and respect.

Yeah, that's one fucking way to put it. Hell, maybe I am just in an exceptionally bad mood. I'll admit I got carried away with that last part, but it was a worthy exaggeration.

I do not want anybody in my generation to run this world. They just aren't prepared. Their parents haven't prepared them like their parent's parents did and so on and so forth, and so they aren't ready for the real world. They aren't ready to lead.

And with no leaders, there is no order. And with no order, there is anarchy.

All I have to say.


On a side note, I'm done with this blog. Nobody reads it anyway. Maybe in the post-apocalyptic future, a lone soul will find an archive of this website and open it and think "whoa... this man... Sauce...


... he was RIGHT!"

And maybe I will be remembered. Maybe after my death, I will be a savior of humanity, and they will recognize what they did wrong and start again.

Wouldn't that be great?

But yeah they say live in the present. So I will, and I will leave this blog and my whole account to rot on the interwebs.

Peace, fuckers. Have fun with the next century.

Nobody Views My Blog

So if you do, and you like what you see...

Please share it.

I don't want to advertise it myself cause I really don't care about it too much.

Also, I'm not going to update it all the time, I'm not some damn Tumblr geek. I'll update it whenever the hell I feel like ranting about some Idiot.

So please, give me an Idiot to rant about. Remember, I'm looking for scenes, social classes, politics, famous people, musical genres.

Day In The Life Of A Scene Kid (Satire)

A day in the life of a Scene Kid:

Name: CarlCarnage
Age: 14

Entry 1, 8:00 A.M.
I wake up once again, reminded that my grandma died 2 years before I was born. I still feel the pain and the scars </3 it's so sad. I miss you grandma! :CCCC </333333333

I think I'll be depressed today.

Entry 2, 8:10 A.M.
Skipped breakfast, I don't need it! Stfu h8ers! Got on Youtube first thing in the morning and posted another video. This guy is hate commenting on my BOTDF videos, saying I'm emo and sh*t WELL IM NOT EMO IM SCENE GET IT RIGHT! And he also says they suck :( no they don't they're the BEST B AND EVER and deserve more r.e.sp.e.c.t!
P.L.U..R.!!!!!11!!1!!1!
Here's his comment:
"Blood On The Dance Floor is not a very good band, they can't sing very well and they aren't attractive, and use the anti-bullying Scene bandwagon and marketing skills to further their pathetic musical career. All you emo kids follow them like brainless sheep, when in fact your role models are pedophile 30-year-olds who never grew up."

I was pissed so I wrote him this comment:
"Umad bro? Yeah thats rite I said it! You just spend ur whole life just jealous of BOTDF cuz u wish u wer as hawt as they r and they r famous and ur not so go get a life and id liek to see u do better!"

Haha I burned him so bad, my friend GretchenGore agrees lol she helped comment too she gave him a big all-caps rage. She doesn't like it when people make fun of us Scene kids. We just want to be understood </3333 but everyone else is just a stupid jock loser and they don't like creativity and expression in our music and the way we dress.

Entry 3: 10:00 A.M.
I dyed my hair again today. I'm bisexual so I made it pink and blue today!!! <33333 my favorite colors! My gf says they look pretty, but my hair is drying out :CCCCCCCC I might have to stop dying my hair soon.
I'm checkin' out my beard in the mirror:

LOLZ JK I CANT GROW A BEARD

Beards are lame anyway only lame hipsters have them xDDDDDDD LOL lame.
Besides my purple jacket from Hot Topic is waaay cooler! I wanted to show that off, mom bought it 4 me yesterday <3333

Entry 4: 3:00 P.M.

I'm soooo depressed... my girfriend and I are having relationship troubles </3 she says I'm too good for her and I say she's too good for me.... Idk what to do!!! We've been 2gether for a whole week, I love her 5ever and I'm sure she's The One!!!

Here's a pic of my gf, plz tell her in the comments that shez beutiful thanx <3333

Just kidding LOL she says she doesn't like pictures but tell her shes hot anyway plx thx XD

Entry 5: 6:00 P.M.

Mom says it's almost bedtime, so I did some LARPing for a bit and now I"m gonna paint something here it is:

IT EXPRESSES CREATIVITY AND EMOTIONSS!!!!! <33333

LAWL RAWR I SO RANDOM.

ANyway I'm going to bed cant wait to put that h8r down tomorrow, BOTDF and BVB 4ever!

Idiot #3: The Emotional Newteen Who Pretends To Be Depressed In Order To Obtain Mediocre Female/male Attention

I have a huge problem with the following kind of Idiot. More than you would know. Warning from Sauce: this could get a bit touchy. Sorry if I offend anyone.
This Idiot, I like to call, the Emotional Newteen Who Pretends To Be Depressed In Order To Obtain Mediocre Female/male Attention.
In other words, the Emo Kid.
Don't get me wrong, I'm cool with the Emo look. If guyliner and a ridiculous amount of hairspray is what you think is cool, then I'm cool with it. That's your style, your look. No problem here.
However, when you fly your little Emo flag around and post stuff like:

Who was the fappin' idiot who decided this was "cool" or "cute?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XdofmoYcJNE

Ok, seriously? You're in high school, maybe in middle school. You have NO idea what "true love" is. You don't "love" this person. It's a brief emotional infatuation. Nobody is "breaking your heart."

In other words, get the hell over it.

Studies show that only around 1%-2% of high school relationships end in marriage (I forget where I read that, but it still sounds too high of a marriage rate to me). So guess what, ENWPTBDIOTOMFAs? You know what that translates to?

There is no hope.
NO HOPE.

Moving on...

The Emo, while not noticing it him/herself, is going through a strange stage in which he/she thinks that he/she will be more "experienced" or more "adult" if he/she shows individuality or demonstrates their perverted view of adult life in pictures such as those above ^ ^, then he/she will be widely considered to be more "mature."
But there is one flaw: in doing so, they just show how pathetic and emotionally-immature they are. The ENWPTBDIOTOMFAs are a burden to society. A burden!

I feel going extreme here. Extreme. So let us briefly imagine a horrific alter-reality in which EVERYONE is an ENWPTBDIOTOMFA:

1) Work would never get done. Many E.s do not even exercise. They just sit around on Facebook and complain emotionally about their 3rd relationship this week, while simultaneously "site-modeling" because they are so insecure that they can't express themselves enough without a name like "Ricky Rainbow" or "Cindy Cyanide."

2) Long-lasting relationships and friendships would not exist. For example, the typical E. relationship lasts from anywhere between a few months or a couple days. No matter the time duration, the other is referred to as "lover," "love of my life," or "married" via Facebook. Ironically, this does not last, as both individuals in the relationship are so over-dramatic and emotionally immature that they end up taking the relationship too seriously and getting very involved and clingy.

3) We would all have psychic powers. I am 100% certain that if everyone was an ENWPTBDIOTOMFA, all that immaturity and pathetic whining would bundle up into an explosive mass of energy which we would soon learn how to control. And everyone would be a Telekinetic Emo.
The future!

Now for the touchy part.
As many people know, there is a thing called "cutting," which emotionally-disturbed individuals use to relieve themselves of their emotional pain. This is NOT a laughing matter, it is a very serious problem in the teenage population.
However, the ENWPTBDIOTOMFA cuts his/her wrist for the sole purpose of attention and sympathy, or even for male and female attention. It has gotten to the point where cutting is looked at as "cute" (I once again direct myself back to the images above).
Not only do they perform this ghastly action, they also insist on how miserable and depressing their posh, suburban lives are. Their parents lavish them with gifts, and yet they claim to be in the depths of despair because their boyfriends don't stop "hurting their feelings" and "breaking their hearts," which is totally something for someone to cut themselves over -_-

I laugh at this, but from sheer disbelief and scorn. Self-mutilation for the sake of attention is one word:

Disgusting.

Another disgusting, and still touchy, aspect of the ENWPTBDIOTOMFA is his/her strange allure to bisexuality. While Sauce is Ok with bisexuals, he frowns upon fake bisexuals, and this is what the majority of the E. population is; fake and [not] gay. For some strange reason, bisexuality is looked at as an exploration of other feelings, so one can fully experience all there is to experience in sex. This creates an idea that [fake] bisexuality is cool and mature, which it is not.

Touchy shit over with, we now move on to,

A Complete and Glorious Recap of What Makes Them Idiots:

-Takes relationships too seriously, almost to the point of an unhealthy obsession
-Sorry level of emotional security/maturity
-Site-modeling. Nuff said
-Fake cutting
-Fake bisexuality

This Idiot makes Sauce just want to cut his wrists and die in a deep dark hole because that blackness is what he feels in his heart forever. I'm sorry, I'm an ENWPTBDIOTOMFA, and I cannot comprehend satire.

Sincerely,

Sauce

Idiot #2: The Awkward Midwestern-Southern Gothic Farmer Wannabe

Hicks.

I live in a small town in the Midwest of the United States. Hail Hitler. Most of my neighbors are what I call "hicks." I guess.

The Hick is a species of Idiot only found in certain areas of the USA, particularly the Midwest, pity me. If you look up "Hick" in Google Images, here is the picture that pops up first:

When you think "hick," you think of this, right? Well I'm pretty sure every Midwesterner would say you're wrong.

The actual "Hick" (a nickname for "Awkward Midwestern-Southern Gothic Farmer Wannabe") is more of a combination of long, tangled hair reminiscent of Cousin Itt which completely covers the face in an unwashed mop, ridiculous cargo or camo jeans/pants, giant, steel-toed boots (pointless because this hick never spends much time outside anyway) and he weareth a wifebeater, mirroring his favorite pastime at home if he is lucky enough to indeed have one. When not carrying through with this frowned-upon endeavor, the Hick is sitting in his front lawn next to a refrigerator and a case of Budweiser (half-empty), absent-mindedly watching the cars go by as he attempts to get a high from a tube going up the exhaust pipe of his Ford Ranger pickup.

Whether or not you are shaking your head wondering how such a loathsome breed of humanity could exist in this world or nodding your head in morbid acception of it, please read on, because I warn you: it gets worse.

If the Hick has a son, the consequences are almost unbearable. The son attempts to mirror his father's pathetic lifestyle, but in a never-ending quest to appear more attractive to both genders of his comrades, he claims he works on a farm and is always talking about his dog, his tractor, his weed-wacker, or *sheeuk* his INTERNATIONAL HARVESTERRR.

Which brings me to another topic, one involving country music.

I have NO problem with most country music (with the exception of Taylor Swift), though I don't think it is particularly good either. But the Hick Son really pushes my buttons. Not only does he bear an almost religious fervor towards this mediocre musical genre, he bashes all other music as inferior. Once again, he is trying to show his manly male farm-worker dominance. The Hick Son listens to MAN'S MUSIC.

Oh looks like we got a real badass over here.

The sad irony in this is that the Hick Son finds nothing more interesting in his life than his tractor or his truck or his dog or his girlfriend (ugly as she probably is) that he is forced to listen to music which only addresses these topics.

But the worst part about this Idiot is his obsession with bashing anyone who does not fit his lifestyle. "City Kids," he calls them, laughing in the face of society. My my, he is such a rebel. I hope you can understand my sarcasm in that previous statement.
Not only does the Hick bash the mere fact that these "City Kids" live somewhere other than an isolated crack factory on the curb of a rural intersection, he enjoys making fun of the idea that they have never worked a day in their life, which is not true 99% of the time.

A Complete and Glorious Recap of What Makes Them Idiots:

-A laughable sense of fashion and/or outright decency and cleanliness
-A strange, confused lifestyle and an irritating and sorry personality
-Their ridiculous obsession with the country music genre and all that comes with it, be it women, money, or bragging rights in general
-Deriving a childish humor from dragging others down in a pathetic attempt to seem strong, important, or manly. The Hick himself is none of these, but we must remember:
The Hick must ensure his superiority no matter the cost, even though it ends up making him look like the Idiot he is.

Sincerely,

Sauce

NOTE: I would also address the unhealthy amount of meth addiction in the Hick environment, but it is a topic too touchy for this blog.

Idiot #1: The Musically-Vacuous Preteen Who Claims To Be Of Mature Age

This will be my first post.

And I, Sauce, am infuriated.

As I have said, this blog is about Idiots, particularly those online. It will be updated hopefully once a week, and include an extensive article about stupid people who just really piss Sauce off.

This particular article is about a sadly common species of Idiot known as the Musically-Vacuous Preteen Who Claims To Be Of Mature Age.

We all know the Musically-Oblivious 8th Grader meme, right? Well that's what I'm talking about. But not just a stupid person who has no idea who Areosmith is. No, much worse: The MVPWCTBOMA is a much more common, far more loathsome breed who attempts to *gasp* argue their opinion on music!

Allow me to give an example:

There is a Facebook page I am a fan of. This said page is known as "Blood On The Dance Floor: The Worst Thing To Ever Happen To Humanity."

(Note: not trying to slam on gays here, I am ok with any sexuality, but not when it is revealed in such a revolting extreme as this)

The title is almost disturbingly accurate, for most likes given to said page are from ridiculous fanboys/fangirls who are the equivalent of Beliebers who like a "Justin Bieber Is Gaaaay" page with the sole intent of bombing it with "HES NOT GAY HES JUST TRYING TO MAKE A LIVING FOR HIS POOR FAMILY STOP BASHING HIM AND BEING MEAN HE GETS MORE GIRLS THAN YOU!!!111!!1"

But these are much worse. Most of these silly, misguided children are "scene": a mixture of a comically absurd fashion sense and an even more comical personality which cannot be taken seriously. They refuse to see the own shortcomings of their favorite bands and insist that it is good music simply for the following reasons:

1) The [lead vocalist, etc] is a cool guy, attractive
2) They have a ton of fans, so they must be good
3) The [lead vocalist, etc] gets way more girls/guys than you do
4) They have a record deal and you're never gonna get one so stffuuuu

Allow me to supply my own opinion of "good music," in a similar list with four reasons:

1) Must involve a significant songwriting/musical talent by all the members
2) Must use real, live instruments/be performed live
3) Must attempt to create a distinct style
4) Must be in-tune and on-key and in good time

BOTDF violates rule #1

Canny, pop tunes set to a synthesizer reminiscent of 70's disco mixed with modern techno requires no talent, especially if it is put together on a computer. Auto-tuned vocals require no talent either... I have never heard of Dahvie Vanity making an acoustic cover.

 #2

Singing along to a track does not count as performing the instrument itself.

 and #3

BOTDF sounds exactly the same as all the mortifyingly bad pop bands that make a wreck of the modern music industry.

 though I must say because of the heavy synthesizers and autotune at use by the vocalists, #4 is no problem for them *golf clap*

So these MVPWCTBOMAs already have virtually nothing to argue in their favor. But do they still argue? YES! Of course! They MUST attempt to purge all who fail to conform to their perfect reality!

How do they do this? Allow me to supply some random quotes, pulled right from the interwebs:

Justin Bieber's music video for "baby"

haters hatin' on a 18 year old boy for living his dream hahah, dudes you don't have to watch this if you don't like him, you're not obligated, wouldn't your life be better if you simply ignored him and his songs since you hate him so much? xD

10fati 1 hour ago

Which brings up another argument, by the way: "Why are you watching the video if you don't like him?!?!?!"

Answer: We are watching the video because we enjoy laughing in the face of those who make it to the top not by musical talent or ingenuity, but by the ability to manipulate a market designed to ensnare snobby, insignificant teenage females like yourself.



... I can't agree that it is "quality entertainment." But I can agree that you have no musical education. I'm pretty sure it is far more difficult to write a song for an entire orchestra (in the case of the classical music genre) or compose a shredding technical death metal riff syncopated to a near-impossible blast beat (metal genre) than it is to play around with a dubstep machine for a couple hours (dubstep genre).

Idiots like this "Aj" child... I don't even...

I would find a last example, but such posts are so infuriating to me that I refuse to copy them onto my desktop and upload them to this blog page. Besides, there's plenty of MVPWCTBOMAs to go around. Go find some, there's one on almost every music-related forum, blog, video, or fan page out there :P

A Complete and Glorious Recap of What Makes Them Idiots:

-Ridiculous remarks such as "haters like you make them famous!" NO THEY DON'T, THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE.
-Obsessing over the artists they like just because of how attractive they are. (Logic being that attractive people must be talented as well).
-Claiming they are older than they actually are, in an attempt to make the person they are arguing against feel like an equal or even inferior.
-Refusing to admit that their genre and bands they enjoy are flawed even to a minor extent.
-Their whiny attitude and grammatically-incorrect abuse of language and street slang in their arguments in an attempt to sound more "grown-up."
-"Why are you watching the video if you don't like it?" -Ironic, as most of these Idiots would gladly do the same to a video of a genre they less prefer. This is a lazy excuse for a logical argument.

Sorry if I bashed any bands you enjoy.
Feel free to spread your little butthurt complaints, they give me a near-erotic pleasure.

Sincerely,

Sauce